


All The Little Kisses

by cozybucky



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 1930's brooklyn, Drinking, Kisses, Kissing, M/M, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-World War II Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Steve and Bucky as kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-03
Updated: 2016-12-17
Packaged: 2018-08-19 08:51:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8198876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cozybucky/pseuds/cozybucky
Summary: A chronology of the times Bucky and Steve have kissed each other over the years.





	1. Chapter 1

A few blocks over from Bucky’s apartment was a small playground. Okay, playground was a bit of a generous word. There was a rusty set of monkey bars standing crookedly next to a filthy sagging slide, but it was the best the city could offer, and according to Bucky’s ma, they should be very greatful. It was hard to be grateful when the rusty metal cut into his palms, or the cracks in the slide caught on his freshly mended coat, but it was better than nothing, wasn’t it?

Bucky concluded, as he walked down the slushy sidewalk, that of course it was better than nothing, but that didn’t mean that there wasn’t room for improvement. So he decided that if he ever had money , he would spend it fixing up the playground, and maybe even adding the swings.

By the time Bucky reached the playground, he had designed an entire new playground in his head and was so lost in thought, he barely noticed Tommy , the local bully, beating the tar out of a little blonde boy. 

Perhaps Bucky was still a bit unfocused, because when he did notice, he shouted, “Stop that”

Tommy turned, and the other boy stumbled backwards into one of the dirty snowdrifts.

“What’s that Barnes?” 

Bucky stood frozen in place. At this point, he could have gotten away with lowering his eyes, muttering ‘nothing’, and shuffling away, but one look at the frail boy trying to lift himself up out of the snow told him that he would do no such thing. 

“Leave him alone” Bucky said, his voice wavering slightly as he balled his fists. 

Before he could register what was happening, Bucky was lying in the snow (really it was slushed mud, but anyways), with a bloody nose and a few extra loose teeth. He saw Tommy reaching down towards him, and kicked out, somehow managing to hit him right in the you-know-what. Bucky took the time that Tommy was doubled over in pain to leap to his feet, pulling the other boy along with him.

The two of them ran along the sidewalk, and down another street making sure that they weren’t being followed.

Moments later, Bucky realized that the boy was no longer running beside him. He turned back and saw him collapsed on the sidewalk, the pants and skin covering his left knee completely shredded. 

“Woah, you okay?” Bucky asked, dropping to his knees beside the other boy.

“Yeah...fine...or at least...i will...be” He replied between high pitched wheezing breaths.

Bucky tentatively laid his hand on the other boy’s leg, just below the knee. Unsure of what to do, he hesitantly pressed his chapped lips against the wound. “That” he stammered “That’s what my mom does when I- when I fall”

Instead of responding, the other boy just went slightly pink.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have done-”

“No, It’s fine, it feels better already”

“Really?” Bucky raised his eyebrows.

“No”, he replied mischief dancing in his blue eyes, “I just didn’t want you to feel bad”

Bucky laughed feeling an odd fondness starting to grow in his chest. “Bucky Barnes”, he said standing up and holding out his hand.

“Steve Rogers” The other boy replied, taking his hand and pulling himself to him feet, wincing slightly. 

“Here, I’ll walk you home” Bucky said, as he wrapped his arm around Steve’s waist, holding him up.

“I’m fine, I don’t need help” Steve tried to push away, his leg buckling underneath him. “Okay, maybe I need help” He admitted reluctantly winding his arm over Bucky’s shoulders. 

It barely reached, Steve was almost a head shorter than him, but Bucky decided not to comment, thinking it might be a sore subject. 

They were almost to Steve’s building, which it turned out was only half a block away from Bucky’s, when Bucky spoke again, “What were you thinking?” 

“What?”

“Well, nobody in their right mind would pick a fight with Tommy, so, what were you thinking?” Bucky said, ignoring the voice in the back of his head whispering, you did that, you picked a fight with Tommy, you actually just described yourself. 

Steve shrugged “He was making fun of Mary Smith, so-”

“What are you, sweet on her?” Bucky teased.

“What are you, sweet on me?” Steve shot back, yanking himself out of Bucky’s grasp, standing shakily about two feet away.

Bucky felt his face go bright red. “No, I just-”

“Then what were you thinking?”

“I just felt-”

“Felt sorry for me?” Steve interrupted, nearly shouting. “Well guess what mister Barnes, I am sick of people feeling sorry for me.”

“I never said that” 

“Then what were you going to say?” 

“Will you let me finish?” 

Steve nodded shortly, his jaw clenched.

“I saw you and I thought that what you were doing was pretty brave, even though it was awful stupid, and I figured it sure would be a shame if your head got smashed in, so I stepped in to help you out.” 

“Oh” Steve took in a deep breath, “I’m sorry for shouting. It’s just that-”

“It’s fine” 

Once Steve’s arm was back around Bucky’s shoulders, he muttered “I had him on the ropes”

Bucky laughed again, “I’m sure you did”


	2. Chapter 2

People always say the good die young. Some say it’s because God wants them in heaven with him. Bucky thought that was absolutely ridiculous. Did He know what things were like down here? Did He know that people like Sarah Rogers were the ones keeping this world turning? The way he saw it, they died because they worked themselves right into their graves, gave everything for everybody else, and eventually there was nothing left. That was Sarah, through and through. She had nothing at all, and she still kept giving. She had never slept, barely ate, and thanks to her job, spent most of her time exposed to diseases, and those things combined were what had led to her untimely death. Bucky hoped she was resting in peace, but anybody who really knew Sarah Rogers would know that she hated the very idea. She would never want to rest, not when there were things to be done. 

She was buried behind the church under browning grass in the middle of winter. After it was over, he waited for everybody to leave, watching Steve, who seemed oblivious to everything around him. Steve was still about a head shorter than him, and painfully thin, but he looked especially so today. 

“Hey Stevie” Bucky said softly, coming to stand beside him. 

Steve bumped his head against Bucky’s shoulder, “Hey Buck” He mumbled. 

“How’re you doing?” He asked wrapping an arm around Steve’s shoulders. He felt Steve shrug his shoulders.

Fifteen minutes passed and Bucky felt compelled to say something, “You know you can’t stay here all night, right”

Steve nodded, “I just-I can’t” his lip trembled, “I can’t go back there”

“Oh Steve” Bucky pulled him into his chest just as the tears started, “You’re staying with me”

“I couldn’t possibly-”

“You will”

Steve drew a shaky breath, “Thanks Buck”

Bucky smiled, “It’s the least I could do, now let’s get-”

“Wait”

“What’s wrong”

“Can we just-” Steve cleared his throat. “Just a few more minutes” He mumbled into Bucky’s chest.

“Yeah” Bucky said, pressing a quick kiss into his hair, before hooking his chin over the top of Steve’s head.

XxxxX

When they got back to Bucky’s apartment he began pulling the cushions off his couch and laying them out on the floor. 

“I don’t know if I’m worth all this Bucky” Steve said as Bucky pulled the blanket of of his bed and laid it out on top of the cushions.

“They’re just couch cushions Steve, Come on, I’m sure I have a shirt you can sleep in, for tonight at least”

Steve wrinkled up his eyebrows, “I’m only staying one night”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this one is so late, but it's a little longer than the others so maybe you'll forgive me??

Years passed and Bucky eventually grew too old for the playground. He would pass it sometimes, and pause. He never knew why, it couldn’t possibly be to marvel the increasing state of disrepair, or to observe the dirty children running and shouting. The reasons why ran deep in his heart, too deep to explain. This was the place he had spent his childhood, the place he met the boy he now called his best friend, so it held a sort of sentimental value. It was a reminder of when things were simpler. When he was comfortable leaving how he felt about this strange new boy in a grayish sort of ambiguity. Everything had changed.

He had been Steve’s best friend twelve years and his roommate two when he got the letter. He was drafted. He remembered opening it, knowing what was inside, but hoping to God against it. He remembered the dread filling his stomach as he read it. He remembered when Steve got home later, when he had painted on a smile and told him he'd enlisted. It was a white lie, not hurting anybody, but that didn't change the fact that it made him feel like shit. He was a coward. That was the bottom line. He was a selfish coward. He hadn't enlisted because he was too afraid to fight, then when he was drafted he lied about it because he was afraid of anyone, most of all Steve, knowing he was afraid. He had lied to the single most important person in his life out of fear and shame. And because lies always lead to more lies, he had lied to him again.

Bucky had told Steve he was taking Janice dancing tonight. Steve didn’t know that he’d broken things off with Janice almost three weeks ago, and his plans tonight were, well, he wasn’t really sure.

After stopping at the grocery store, he kept walking, the slim paper bag in hand. He kept walking, his feet carrying him all the way to the playground. Leaning his back against the filthy stone wall he opened the bottle.

XxxxX

Time passed, how much, he couldn't be sure. The playground had begun to lazily swim in and out of focus. His grip on consciousness has begun to slip when he heard somebody calling his name.

“Bucky” called a familiar voice, “come on buck, this isn't funny”

“Steve” he mumbled.

The young man in the street turned and hurried toward him. “Bucky what in the hell-”

“I lied to you” Bucky blurted.

“I can see that” Steve knelt down next to him. “You told me you were going out with Janice, but then on my way home from work I saw her walking with another guy”

“It's not-”

“I went up to her Bucky, and you know what? I made a real fool of myself, because apparently you two haven't been seeing each other for almost three weeks”

“Steve I'm sorry”

“I was worried sick”

Bucky hung his head, “I'm sorry”

Steve took a deep breath, “It's fine. So is that what all this is about?” He asked gesturing to the half empty bottle on the ground beside Bucky.

Bucky shook his head, “I was the one who ended it”

“Oh then what’s”

“I lied to you”

Steve shook his head, “We’ve already been over this. It's okay, just don't-”

“Something else”

“Oh” Steve shifted so he was sitting with his back to the wall beside Bucky. “You wanna talk about it?”

Bucky nodded, “and I won't- I won't blame you if you want to leave after-”

Steve elbowed him in the side, “Stop that”

“I'm serious”

“Out with it”

Bucky took a deep breath, “I didn't enlist”

“Then how-”

“I was drafted”

“Okay”

“What?”

“Was I supposed to get mad? Of course I'm upset that you didn't think you could tell me, but I don't think any less of you”

“How can you- I mean don't you think- don't you think I'm a coward”

“Bucky” Steve placed his hand on Bucky’s forearm, “not wanting to fight doesn't make you a coward, it just means you don't want to fight”

Bucky nodded, “I guess, but”

“Come on, let's get you home”

Bucky didn't remember much of the walk back to their apartment. He remember leaning against Steve, which was a bit opposite, but Bucky wasn't going to complain.

When they got home, Steve pulled off Bucky’s coat and led him to his bed, pulling the sheets up over his shoulder.

“Stevie”, Bucky grabbed his wrist. “I dunno what I'd do without you”

“Goodnight Buck”, Steve whispered, kissing him softly on the cheek before walking across the room to his own bed.


	4. Chapter 4

For years there had been something. The words “best friend” and “like a brother” had become less and less fitting to describe the way he felt about Steve. It was hard to describe, but there was just a sort of tug inside his very core that persistently pulled him towards Steve. Maybe, he told himself as Steve became the most important thing in his whole world, maybe this is normal. Maybe, he had told himself as everything inside of him had started to point to Steve the way a compass points north, maybe everybody feels like this about their best friend.

But then, about a week ago, he knew. When he felt Steve’s lips press softly against his cheek, for just a moment, the hole inside his chest had been full.

He had thought on it, considering his options. With him leaving for the army and all, it was really a now or never sort of deal. If he didn’t tell Steve now, he might not have another chance in this life. But he didn’t think he’d be able to bear it if he lost Steve, pushed him away by trying to pull him too close. Not that any of that made any difference. He had already made up his mind. 

The table had been set with the little white flowers he had picked from the cracks in the pavement near the playground. He must have looked pretty odd picking them. What kind of girl in her right mind would want tiny white weeds that had grown up on the filthy roadside? Little did they know these flowers were not for any girl. Never had been. Not now, not when he had been nine years old, and the women would all coo, “Who’s the lucky little lady?”. There was no lady, the flowers actually happened to be for a particularly unlucky-but wonderful all the same- young boy. He didn't tell them though, just smiled and kept pulling out the little flowers and holding them tightly in his grubby little fists. Later he would bring them back to Steve’s apartment where Sarah would answer the door and show him in to Steve’s room. She would leave him in there standing by Steve’s bed, telling him all about everything he had missed. Sometimes Steve would wake up, other times, not, but Bucky would chatter on all the same. Eventually Sarah would come back with a chipped glass, half filled with water, Bucky would place his flowers in there, and set it on Steve's bedside table amidst all of the tissues and damp cloths and an empty soup bowl. Sarah would smile and say, “Now that's much better”, even though they were just flowers, and what could they really do to help Steve, whose whole body seemed to be on a quest to end him at the ripe age of nine years old.

Steve had made it past nine though. He had made it all the way to twenty at this point, with a few setbacks and rough patches, and seemed confident that he would make it all the way to ninety. 

Bucky was pulled out of his trance by the sound of the key in the door. He ran his fingers through his hair and drew a shaky breath as the door was pushed open and Steve stepped inside, dropping the bag he was carrying from his arms when he saw Bucky in the kitchen.

“I thought you weren't going to be home until late?” He said, bending down to gather them back up.

“Did you have plans?” Bucky asked, trying to discretely step in front of the flowers on the table.

“Were you going to have a girl over?” Steve asked his ears going slightly pink, “I can make other arrangements”

“No I just”

“Then who are these for?”, Steve teased smiling, as he stepped into the kitchen and plucked one of the little white flowers out of the bottle. Holding up to his nose playfully, the teasing grin melted away leaving a raw tenderness, “Are these from-”

“They’re um-they’re for somebody special, it’s kind of a surprise, I um- I just, the thing is, they um” Bucky felt his hands trembling. 

“Oh, sorry” Steve moved to replace the flower. “Listen it’s no big deal, I’ll go hang out at the library, and come back around nine, is that enough time?”

“No, they’re um- they’re for you” Bucky finally managed to get out. There was a beat of silence and he could almost hear the sound of his heart slamming itself against his ribs.

Now it was Steve’s turn to stammer, “Like as a-are you saying that-or just for”

Bucky took a deep breath, “I love you”

Steve’s eyes locked on his, and he took a step closer, “I love you too”

“No, like more than-”

“I know”

Then they were kissing. Bucky was kissing Steve, and Steve was kissing him back, and it was wonderful. Bucky felt like there was an enormous weight being lifted off of his shoulders. He felt Steve's hands come up and rest gently at the back of his neck and moved his own hands so that they were wrapped around Steve’s waist. When they broke apart for air a few seconds later, Bucky pulled Steve close against his chest, hooking his chin over the top of Steve’s head.

“I was terrified” He confessed, running his fingers through the hair at the back of Steve’s neck, “I thought that you would leave”

“I’ll never leave, not now, not ever” Steve assured him, “I’m here now and I promise you I’ll be here when you get back, no matter how long you are gone.”

“You don’t have to-”

“No, Bucky, to the end of the line remember”

Bucky nodded, and what he wouldn’t give to just stand here like this for eternity. Not breaking apart to eat, sleep, anything, just go on standing intertwined in their little kitchen for all of eternity. Just stay here where he finally felt complete, the hole in his chest fading until it was barely a memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry that it took me literally forever to write this. There's no excuse except that I literally procrastinated two months something that took me like three days to write lol. I think this is the end of this story, but I plan on writing more in the future and will definitely try to be more consistent. A HUGE thank you to everybody who has read and commented, you guys are honestly the best!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Any comments or criticism would be greatly appreciated! You can find me on tumblr [ here ](http://cozy-bucky.tumblr.com/)


End file.
